Peace and Calmness

Recently, I've suddenly become very upset without any warning. I was busy with my graduation thesis some time ago, and it took me a long time to turn it in, so I should start doing the defense PPT; the branch affairs came one after another, and I had to work for all parties day after day, and I was busy. On the contrary, I gradually began to lose patience with my own work, and simply passed by as if I was doing a show, and did not do anything meaningful or breakthrough progress. It seems that as long as there is a little hope to do something, it will soon be overwhelmed by the fatigue that comes from nowhere. I seek two reliefs, one is to quickly finish revising my dissertation and do the PPT to end this misery, and the other is to quickly finish the last branch meeting to get rid of this tedious change. The middle of June will be a big turning point.

This year is still the new crown epidemic, is not good. The dream of a graduation trip has also been shattered, and that was the last leisurely moment from the suffocating life of social animals, as described in countless movies and novels before 2019. After all, there are only two weeks of spring break in a year, so I should cherish the time and read more papers. The truth is to send more papers.

In the recent month, I have become obsessed with drinking tea, brewing it once a day, drinking it from morning to night. Gradually feel their emotions gradually began to numb down, as if there will not be any dramatic fluctuations. Whether it is the looming ddl or with the group of friends, housemates, friends of the exchange, it seems to always be a well not wave, and even the actual exchange of something, but also a sentence to pass the time to say. So, it feels like the passion is gradually leaving.

Is it my youth that is leaving me? That's interesting. Since I was a child, I've been thinking that no matter what happens in the future, I should keep my original heart and always be full of innocence and childishness. But now, although I can still talk like a child, there is always a sense of detachment, as if what I say is just muscle memory formed by past experience, and what I actually think about. I don't know myself anymore. When I talk to real children, I always feel a sense of disconnection that is difficult to integrate, which is indeed a deep sadness.

After a plan has been made, how can I strictly follow it? Why do you have to put off until the last minute to finish something that was set a long time ago? Are you expecting something new to happen? Why do you always put your hope in others? I think it's the feeling of exhaustion that comes with doing something that you can't do. But it will be much better when you really get into it. What progress has been made as the days go by? I'm afraid it's still very limited.